some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
