I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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