My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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