u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
