Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
