we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
