You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
im calling her cock vulture from now on
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I'm really busy with my period
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