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I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
They took my balls.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize