Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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