Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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