I CAN MOONWALK!
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
