I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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