I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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