I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
