So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
