butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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