you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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