Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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