I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
