I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
