My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
