Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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