I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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