Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
