Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
