God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
