Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
