Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Will exercising make me less horny?
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