you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
