so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
