I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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