He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
