That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I believe in your delicious
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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