I wish I only lived at night.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
