Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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