i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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