No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
