piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
