i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Randomize
