Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Randomize
