He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
