I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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