just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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