Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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