This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
