the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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