The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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