My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
