The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
This is the high leading the old right now
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
