I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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