can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
