Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I think I just shit out all my problems.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize