This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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