Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm sobbing to NWA
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
