Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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