I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
