We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize