I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
