Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize