I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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