I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
