I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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