I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
