You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I need to sanitize my soul.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
