I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
